I really want to eat something that tastes good right now. I am opening up kitchen cabinets in a frantic search for something, anything to put in my mouth to distract me from the crazy uncomfortable feelings.
The urgency to compulsively overeat feels like a swelling wave coming to drown me. The only thing that can save me from certain doom is to take a giant breath and dive under, aka taking that first bite. I want to dive under. I have to dive under or I am going to drown.
A faint voice (HP) tells me not to dive. I do what the voice says, reluctantly. I stay above water, panicking, getting ready to choke to death as the wave hits my face... but before it can reach me miraculously, the wave dissipates. That's when I realize there is no water. There is no wave. It's all in my head.
Compulsive thoughts and feelings are a lie. It's all my disease. A magical thing happens when I don't do the thing I THINK I have to do to survive. That feeling passes and I am fine. This is what it means to avoid taking the first compulsive bite. If I don't act on my compulsive thoughts, those feelings pass, usually faster than I think.
Anonymous
