In these difficult days, I find myself thinking a lot about forgiveness and the need for kindness, gentleness and acceptance.
Emotionally, I think we are all on Red Alert mode - anxious, for sure. And in program language, I think a lot of us are feeling restless, irritable and discontent as we remain holed up in our homes, waiting for whatever happens next. I think we need to forgive ourselves and those we love for our relationship missteps right now.
As I have gotten older, I have observed a lot of people - including myself - as they navigate the emotions that follow the death of a loved one. Kubler-Ross has written about the stages of grief, and its good work that helps us understand the emotional roller coaster that is grief. I have a simple approach to being with grieving folks. I just accept that people are not themselves when grieving. They may say or do things that are odd, or hurtful or, thoughtless. They don't do it intentionally; they are just not themselves emotionally. They are riding the roller coster of grief. My attitude is one of acceptance; in my book, people get a "free pass" for a lot of things when they are grieving. The pass is not infinite but it's in place for a LONG time.
I think we all need to give ourselves and our loved ones a "free pass" during these days of anxiety and social distancing. We are going to feel things that maybe are new to us. We may experience heightened emotions or be flat or depressed. We may be scattered and unable to settle into anything or we may be cleaning every closet in the house. We may speak impulsively without thinking about how our words will be received or be demanding of our loved ones in ways that are unusual for us. In my view, we need to be gentle with ourselves when this happens and not feel ashamed. It's to be expected. That doesn't mean we give up trying to practice calmness and restraint in our interactions. Or that we turn to food to sedate us when our anxiety peaks. It means that - when we mess up (and we will) we forgive ourselves and ask forgiveness of others. And we forgive them too.
Forgiveness is the companion of acceptance. These are challenging times. We are lucky that we have program and tools to help us deal with our current situation. And we have each other. Thank you to all of you for being here.
-DD
