ADVANTAGES OF ABSTINENCE

• I don’t have to plan future binges and nervously await them.
• I save money on food, and I eat healthfully.
• I don’t have to worry about gaining weight from a binge and having to lose it again.
• My relationship to food becomes balanced.
• I don’t have to dread the consequences of a binge. Instead I can touch them lightly before a binge starts and then let them go.  
• I feel closer to God and to other people.
• My heart becomes more open and tender.
• I don’t have to lie about my food.
• I don’t have to climb back out of oblivion after the binge.
• I learn I can be with my emotions and outlive their grasp. Each time I do that strengthens me to deal effectively with future strong and difficult emotions.
• I gain self-confidence and self-respect in all areas of my life.
• I don’t have to hide how I purchase food and eat it.  
• I have much more access to my feelings of gratitude.
• I like myself more.
• I appreciate my body more. I feel that its size and shape are just as they should be at this moment. I can work sanely with its inevitable changes.  
• I enjoy nature, creative arts and other people much more.
• I feel happy, joyous and free.  

Feeling Alone

I don’t talk about this to anyone. I am feeling so alone lately. I know I am not alone. My God is always with me. I know I have guardian angels, most likely those dear ones of mine who have crossed over already but who still carry affections for me as I do for them.

This aloneness is just a feeling, a disquiet that runs under the ordinary activities of my days like an underground river. It is full of shadows and remembrances that have not surfaced in a long time.

I consider the uncovered memories. Are they appearing because they have a purpose?  Is there an amends I need to make? Have I seen growth since that long ago time?

I ask God “What am I to learn from this?” I wait in silence for the answer. I want to add, “Please help me learn what I am to learn quickly so I can hurry and get over this feeling!”

But time is a human trait, and I must be still and allow the Great Potter to mould me for I am the clay.

I look back on my life. I’ve always been impatient. Have I come along at all in developing more patience?

It doesn’t matter. I strive as I can and trust my powerful God to do the rest.

In gratitude,

e.k.

My Own House In Order

The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.
-A Vision For You, p. 164 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

My "own house in order" is very different than "ducks in a row" which is the way I needed everything to be before Program. If my ducks were in a row, I would look okay to others, no matter how crazy I actually was or felt I was inside. 

Getting my house in order is an inside job. And, for me today, that requires a tight relationship with a Higher Power as well as working the Steps with other recovering compulsive overeaters. And the answers do come -

usually without too much effort (or thought) on my part because all that thinking about looking good and all the effort I put into appearing "normal" just made me crazier and fatter, quite frankly.                                                        (continued)