It's Not About the Food

The wisdom that resonates with me today is, "It's not about the food." As I have heard in these virtual rooms, "It's about the build up of human emotion." Last week I found myself doing something I hadn't done in months-- thinking obsessively about and craving recreational sugar. When I finally told my sponsor about it, she helped me cut through the mire I was tangled up in. She said "It's not about the food" and told me to write about what was going on in my life.

Writing isn't new. I journal daily and had already written about the things that were making me anxious. But when my sponsor says "write about it," I know she means do a 10th Step on it and that's a much longer process. 

Begrudgingly, I set about doing a 10th step on each issue, using the spot check inventory from p. 84 of the Big Book as a guide. First, I stated each problem, then went down the list of shortcomings one by one; selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear, writing about how each defect showed in my problems. As I began to write, something miraculous happened. I started to see the problems through a different lens, one of my higher power. 

To my surprise, my problems didn't seem as big as they were before. I was able to get down to the truth that had been obscured by all of my defects. I was feeling was un-settled about a parent-teacher conference I was having to discuss my son who is struggling in math. I realized that most of my anxiety came from fear that the teacher was going to judge me and think I was a bad parent because my child got a crummy grade. I realized how selfish this was. The meeting wasn't about me and my feelings of insecurity. It was about my son and finding out what I could do to support him. When I realized this I was able to "get over myself" and focus on what mattered.

Immediately after reading my writing to my sponsor, my cravings to eat recreational sugar disappeared. I was stewing in a build up of human emotion and until I had the willingness to take a good, honest look what was going on, the food was going to call to me. 

It was clear what I needed to do-- stop worrying and give the problems to my HP (Step 3). So, I asked HP to free me from thoughts about myself and help me focus on others. I know the relief I have from the obsession with food is only for today. Meanwhile, I will keep doing daily work to maintain my connection to my HP. This begins with getting on my knees in prayer every morning-- going to meetings, calling my sponsor, working with others, reading literature and continuing to write. 

SF