I went to the Pasadena noon Thursday meeting today on Zoom. As so often happens, I received a multitude of “God Shots” from listening and participating. It’s a writing meeting, and so I ended up with several lines of focused writing. Today’s subject was fear, and the prompt was this: What action do I take when I become conscious of fear’s presence? My mind immediately went to what a Perfect Program Person (PPP) would do. Here is what I wrote:
Acceptance is my first answer. I take a moment to acknowledge the fear. I say to myself: “I am afraid. This was what I am feeling, physically and emotionally. I accept this feeling as real.” I then go to my second answer, courage. I have options at this point. I can choose to say: “I am afraid today, but also still loved and protected by my Higher Power. It is OK for me to feel fear. I choose to allow the sensations to calm without doing anything at this present moment to fight the fear.” If I’m feeling more energetic, I might say, “I am afraid, and I need the help of my HP here. Please do for me what I cannot do for myself.” A third option would be to say, “HP, I’m afraid but I trust you. Please help me walk through this fear.”
There is no right answer for me when I deal with fear. My third response, wisdom, is thus vital. I need to make a choice, and I ask my HP to help me choose the best action for today. Then I execute that action.
This definitely sounds like a PPP, right? It’s also a rehearsal in my mind so that I might be able to live out part or all of the script. Honestly, I’m not there much of the time, but working the Steps and using the Tools on a daily basis helps me to move closer to the person I want to be.
After listening to others share their writing, it occurred to me that I can reach for the actions I wrote down without needing to become a PPP. I heard honesty, imperfection, and wisdom at the meeting from others who struggle the way I do with daily life. I can move forward, accepting my imperfection, and realize that at present there is a gap between who I would like to be and who I presently am. Maybe I am more useful to my Higher Power if I release my need to be a PPP and just focus on moving forward. One day at a time, meetings and other tools help me to learn my next few steps as I trudge the road of happy destiny.
KB, Sierra Madre
