Writing as a Tool

When I began working with my present sponsor, she had me set up a morning routine which included three pages of free-association writing every day. In the interim, I've come to appreciate starting my day with my morning pages.

Thoughts on "A Vision"

What do these words mean to me: “We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

 

-- A Vision for You, Alcoholic Anonymous Big Book page 164

What a beautiful sentence, so inclusive. When I came into program I felt excluded on so many levels in my life. I never received an invitation to the ‘Skinny Club,’ the ‘Eat Whenever and Whatever I Wanted to Eat Club,’ the ‘In Crowd, Always Successful Club,’ the ‘No Problems were Unsurmountable Club,’ the ‘I Want to Be Your Friend Club,’ the ‘Get Picked First on a Team Club,’ and so on.

I was in the ‘Yo-Yo Diet Club,’ the ‘Weight Loss Failure Club,’ the ‘Hearing Friends, Family & Doctors say ‘it would be so much better if you lost weight’ Club,’ etc. etc.

“We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit.” What did I hear – you wanted to be my friend even if we never met or per chance meet, you would consider me a member of the fellowship and part of the group ‘trudging the Road of Happy Destiny?’ The answer is yes!

I thought, "What Happy Destiny?" as I came into the rooms. You mean there is something to be ‘Happy’ about in OA?

Yes, I learned I had a 2 fold illness, an obsession of the mind and compulsion of the body! You mean it wasn’t ALL MY FAULT? I could stop belittling myself as a weight loss failure? Yes!

And, if I worked our program and Step 1, know I was powerless over this disease, I could feel Happy? Yes! I could then take Steps 2 and 3 which led me to willingness and acceptance that God had the power necessary to relieve me of the disease of compulsive overeating, if I accepted God’s help on a daily basis. If I worked the rest of our Steps, used our Tools of Recovery I could find happiness and joy living a sane abstinent life, one day at a time. Count me ‘IN’ to living this new way of life!

I can share living ‘in the Spirit’ with other compulsive eaters even the ones I’ve never met as we ‘Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny’ one moment and one day at a time. 

Thank you Higher Power!         By S.D.

Relationship With My Higher Power

I try to (on a daily basis) see that I have a relationship with my Higher Power (HP). 

Yesterday, while volunteering at a coronavirus test-site, my HP gave me a new way of staying in 'conscious contact' and not going negative.

At several points while volunteering I would notice negative feelings about or towards myself or others. This was because of fear or because of frustration that things weren't going my way. I thought for a second and my HP revealed to me that when these 'negative' moments occur, that is really my HP saying "Hi" to me and advising me that my HP is there and present. So, instead of being scared, fearful, angry, frustrated, etc., I get to remember that my HP is using my current perceived negative situation to remind me that it's time to say "hello" to HIM. He's knocking on the door and I need to let Him in. 

Having learned this, I then decided to pray for - instead of mentally attacking - people at the test-site or going into fear and sulking. I get to do this throughout each day and keep in conscious contact with my HP on a regular basis (even with my imperfections and all). 

I know that I cannot fill the void that I was trying to fill with food, but I can let my HP fill the emptiness and imperfection of my humanity. God can do for me when I cannot do for myself and I get to have a great moment with my great HP at the same time. 

Bill M. 

ADVANTAGES OF ABSTINENCE

• I don’t have to plan future binges and nervously await them.
• I save money on food, and I eat healthfully.
• I don’t have to worry about gaining weight from a binge and having to lose it again.
• My relationship to food becomes balanced.
• I don’t have to dread the consequences of a binge. Instead I can touch them lightly before a binge starts and then let them go.  
• I feel closer to God and to other people.
• My heart becomes more open and tender.
• I don’t have to lie about my food.
• I don’t have to climb back out of oblivion after the binge.
• I learn I can be with my emotions and outlive their grasp. Each time I do that strengthens me to deal effectively with future strong and difficult emotions.
• I gain self-confidence and self-respect in all areas of my life.
• I don’t have to hide how I purchase food and eat it.  
• I have much more access to my feelings of gratitude.
• I like myself more.
• I appreciate my body more. I feel that its size and shape are just as they should be at this moment. I can work sanely with its inevitable changes.  
• I enjoy nature, creative arts and other people much more.
• I feel happy, joyous and free.  

Feeling Alone

I don’t talk about this to anyone. I am feeling so alone lately. I know I am not alone. My God is always with me. I know I have guardian angels, most likely those dear ones of mine who have crossed over already but who still carry affections for me as I do for them.

This aloneness is just a feeling, a disquiet that runs under the ordinary activities of my days like an underground river. It is full of shadows and remembrances that have not surfaced in a long time.

I consider the uncovered memories. Are they appearing because they have a purpose?  Is there an amends I need to make? Have I seen growth since that long ago time?

I ask God “What am I to learn from this?” I wait in silence for the answer. I want to add, “Please help me learn what I am to learn quickly so I can hurry and get over this feeling!”

But time is a human trait, and I must be still and allow the Great Potter to mould me for I am the clay.

I look back on my life. I’ve always been impatient. Have I come along at all in developing more patience?

It doesn’t matter. I strive as I can and trust my powerful God to do the rest.

In gratitude,

e.k.

My Own House In Order

The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.
-A Vision For You, p. 164 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

My "own house in order" is very different than "ducks in a row" which is the way I needed everything to be before Program. If my ducks were in a row, I would look okay to others, no matter how crazy I actually was or felt I was inside. 

Getting my house in order is an inside job. And, for me today, that requires a tight relationship with a Higher Power as well as working the Steps with other recovering compulsive overeaters. And the answers do come -

usually without too much effort (or thought) on my part because all that thinking about looking good and all the effort I put into appearing "normal" just made me crazier and fatter, quite frankly.                                                        (continued)

First Things First!

[Written by an OA member at a writing meeting]

I am grateful for those who have reminded me of today's meeting while searching for volunteers to participate. I was actually going to skip the meeting in order to help a friend on my day's agenda. Then, God "bonked" me on the head. First Things First!